They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
