I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's shark week go big or go home
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