do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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