i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I will pee on everything he values.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
