didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Randomize
