I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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