So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
