What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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