You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have fence marks all over my body
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
