whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
