I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You're a waste of cheezeits
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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