Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
