So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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