Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
