Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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