I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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