afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
