so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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