i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
