I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
