He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
