dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
