I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
