Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
