If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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