Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
