So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
