My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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