I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
