Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Also, beer. Big fan.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize