she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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