the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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