Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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