Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize