things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
