My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
