the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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