The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
