I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
