So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
