This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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