I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
