Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
