Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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