Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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