Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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