remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
