i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
