you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
