I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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