After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
