god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
