If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
