Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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