dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
