Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
