Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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