Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Operation Purity has been aborted
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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