he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
