You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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