I wish I could teleport
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
