And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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