booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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