i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
