I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
