Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
