Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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