This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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